The Uncertainty of Faith
It amazes me how difficult and depressing life becomes when I insist on a complete understanding, unclouded by doubt, contradictions, or confusion. In our ‘Wikipedia’ society, uncertainty is considered a curse or at a minimum a problem for the latest ‘app’ on my smart phone. But there is uncertainty that ‘Google’ cannot touch and a comforting acknowledgement of our limitations and fragile nature that brings a certain peace. When we apply math like logic to the human heart or test tube thinking to the complexity of our nature and relationship with God, we set ourselves up for the disappointment of unrealistic expectations.
I was asked the other day after service my position on creation vs. evolution. My answer was an enthusiastic “Yes.” Confused, my inquisitor continued, “So which do you believe in?” I responded, “Absolutely.” No matter what your answer to this question, it is certain that it is a little like a Ford automobile explaining who Henry Ford was. Any answer will be woefully incomplete. I have an understanding of evolution and it is only a partial view. I have an understanding of Genesis and Creation and it is equally incomplete and inadequate. How could it be otherwise? I simply was not there for either, or should I say both. Further, it is shortsighted to commit to one view wholly and dismiss the value and understandings of the other.
Later that day at home my wife mentioned to me that she felt sometimes that I do not listen to her. I believe her exact words were, “really hear what I am saying.” So I got out my cell phone calendar and calculator app and set to work. “On this day we talked about this and that and look here on the 22nd, three separate conversations ranging in subjects from…..” It was then that I felt the tennis racket hit the side of my head, and thankfully so because I needed a wake up call. Human relationships do not have to make sense in order to be genuine, sincere and valuable. The human heart is too complex for any math. When I abandon my desire for my wife to make sense to me I empower her understanding of how she makes sense to herself. My lack of understanding of how she is feeling is no license to selfishly ignore her feelings.
So there we have it. It is okay to not know, to not get it. It is okay to live on both sides of a contradiction knowing that we do not have all the facts and even if we did it is doubtful we could put them together accurately enough to see the whole picture. For heaven’s sake, I can barely get my checking account balanced, much less spot an error on the bank’s part. This is not straddling the fence, but rather living on both sides of it. Emerson said, “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” Ouch! Inconsistency is the norm in a broken world with broken people – inconsistency in how we approach our understanding of God, the scripture, and each other.
It is my view that living with conflicting views, uncertainty, and doubt is part of faith. If I had no doubt, why would I need faith? If I had everything all figured out and felt certain and confident, why do I need God’s help? Seems to me He should be knocking on my door for a little advice. No, it is doubt that helps us understand that we are not Henry; we are the Ford. It is doubt that helps me love my wife and listen to her, really listen to her, and keep my cell phone in my pocket. It is doubt that helps me understand my own limitations and the constant denial that causes me to think that my understanding is the only understanding worth understanding.
This news sometimes terrifies me. As a control freak, I feel the urge to know and control everyone and everything around me. This message also brings me great peace because it gives me license to surrender to faith, releasing me from the impractical need to be certain of everything. The expression “Let go and let God” comes to mind. I hope there is no topic which holds no mystery for me to explore, no unexplained dark corners as to its origins or endings. When we set our beliefs in stone we restrict our ability to explore them. I am free to consider all possibilities. Some I reject, some I embrace; most are somewhere in the middle ground where there is no yes or no, white or black, or cell phone apps. This ground is fertile with the imagination of faith.
1 Corinthians 13:12 speaks directly to this truth. It seems our knowledge was designed to be incomplete from the beginning. God designed us to live in a world filled with uncertainty that only faith, hope and love can fill. This love’s limits are only our heart’s willingness to express them; it is a love dripping with the one sure certainty: God’s unlimited love and kindness toward humanity.
For now we see through a glass darkly but then face to face: Now I know in part but then shall I know even as also I am known. Now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1Corinthians 13:12-13
Ornan’s threshing floor is a selection of journal entries, sermon parts and pieces and writings by Stephen Carey, pastor of Main Street Mission.
Main Street Mission is a non denominational Christian inner city outreach ministry located at 57 Manchester St. Manchester NH.
The Gray Hat
I love parties, parties of all types. My favorites are parties with food. Wedding receptions, for example, or banquets, yum! Who we invite to these soirees speaks loudly as to who we are. It is interesting to me that Jesus’ “parties” usually included the “bad” people as well as the “good” people. As a matter of fact, in some of his parables his instructions were to ‘seek out the bad and bring them to the table’ (Matt 22:10). Now being a “good” person myself it is difficult to understand who would intentionally seek out “bad” people other than the police. They have few manners and are always putting their fingers in the dip. Ugh!
But a larger truth lingers below the surface: chiefly that people generally do not come in such clearly-defined packages. We are used to seeing the movies of old, the good guy wears the white hat and rides the white horse and the bad guy the black. To Jesus, there are no “good” people just as there are no “bad” ones; there are just …. well …. people. The Bible speaks expressly that all without exception have failed God in some way and are in need of His redemption, so there go the “good” people. The Bible also states with equal emphasis that no one is immune from God’s love and that His kindness is a part of all, so there go the “bad” people. So, who is left? Well I guess the “Bood” people or maybe the “Gad” people. The reality of humanity is that the best of us are sometimes guilty of bad things, even horrible things, and the worst of us are sometimes guilty of great acts of kindness and generosity. Our hats are neither white nor black, but instead divergent shades of gray.
Life is so much easier for us when we have cleanly defined categories of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and so we gravitate towards those definitions, often at the expense of those categorized, but ‘easier’ was not part of God’s design. Individuals are far too dynamic, resilient, fragile, and complex all in the same moment to categorize. People are a long way from simple or easy and elude any attempt at ‘one size fits all’ thinking. Any librarian will tell you that a book’s cover is a poor way to judge its contents. It is certain that below the cover of every individual is a unique story playing itself out.
I bring this up because it is so easy to surround ourselves with those whom we like and are like us. This is not a bad thing per se but it does tend to exclude those who might bring precious gifts into our lives, gifts not wrapped in ways we recognize as gifts at all. I shudder to think what my life would be like without Karen. Karen was a homeless troubled soul wondering the streets of Manchester yelling at cars on Elm Street. Karen was my friend for over 5 precious years spanning a time in which she worked in clothing ministries in Manchester when I first met her, through her years of severe mental illness and finally her death. I miss her still, not only for how we at Main Street Mission were helped by her and were able to help her, but also for the gifts she gave me personally: gifts of courage, tenacity, and compassion. She lived well outside of my comfort zone and I am grateful God gave me the courage to travel there.
The world is full of Karens and the world is full of the polished, millennial up-and-comers. Whether the right wing or left wing, all are stories playing themselves out on an individual stage, all infinitely complex, all of value, all broken, all the objects of God’s love and attention. He is the King of do-overs, the Lord of second chances. The Bible states that “His mercies are new every morning”: now that is what I call the “breakfast of champions.” These mercies belong to those who commit the sin of pride in thinking they do not need them and those who commit the sin of underestimating their depth in releasing someone from a tortured past. There are neither white hats nor black hats; we are all broken, and we are all loved.
For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.
Romans 5:7-8
Ornan’s threshing floor is a selection of journal entries, sermon parts and pieces, and writings by Stephen Carey, pastor of Main Street Mission.
Main Street Mission is a non denominational Christian inner city outreach ministry located at 57 Manchester St. Manchester NH.
“But I say unto you…..”
“But I say unto you…..”
I have struggled with the Old Testament for many years. Its beauty balanced against its brutality leaves my head spinning. How could the loving God of the New Testament have such a violent and sordid past? Within the Old Testament, we find murder, genocide and even rape, condoned and justified as acceptable behavior. Within the New Testament we find the gospel of non-violence, a deep respect for human life and dignity using the weapons of love and kindness. By today’s definitions, one would easily consider them the history of different Gods altogether, or if the same, then bipolar, opposite personalities. Jesus continuously pushed against the standards of the Old Testament by saying, “but I say unto you…” contradicting the old outright and giving us a new way and place to live.
Matthew 5:43-45: Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Jesus quotes the Old Testament in order to contradict it. Could it be that Jesus saw in the Old Testament the mirrored reflection of the true nature of God, His reflection correct in every way except opposite? Like a pair of shoes or gloves, they appear identical yet they are opposite. The Old Testament said, “hate your enemy,” yet Jesus understood and gleaned from it “love your enemies,” its mirrored reflection. Jesus seemed to recognize the left hand of God in the Old Testament and use it as an affirmation that a right hand must exist and lies closer to His truest nature, that being His love for both good and bad, just and unjust. He used the expression “But I say unto you…” to communicate that truer nature of God which was absent. As disciples of Jesus, we follow “in His steps,” learning to live above the Laws of the old and dance to a different, opposite melody of kindness and generosity; we dance to music keyed to the note of love.
If we view the Old Testament as the left hand of God and the letters in red as His right hand, it helps put both into a larger context, that being an entire balanced body. This helps us saturate the brutality of the old in the love and forgiveness of the cross, showing us a truer revelation of God’s nature.
Let’s try some “But I say unto you’s” against Old Testament law and see what we might glean.
Exodus 20:13 Thou shalt not kill.
But I say unto you …It may seem on the surface to be straightforward, but its mirror image speaks of a deeper and more powerful intent than just preventing one person from killing another. Its mirror image is “life is precious;” “life is to be cherished and celebrated.” Its mandate is to all humanity and regarding all humanity; all are the object of God’s love and to Him, each and all are the “world” for which he gave His son’s life (John 3:16).
Ex 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery,
But I say unto you …Family is important; relationships are difficult, fragile and worth the work we put into them. God created broken people to gather in family and work out their brokenness together. Our immediate desires (sexual or otherwise) are not more important than family. What we want at the moment is not to govern our long-term decisions and lives. We are to plot our journey through life with a more deliberate compass than desire, one that acknowledges long-term as well as short-term outcomes, one which acknowledges the fragile nature of relationship and the legacy we pass on to each generation.
Ex 20:15 Thou shalt not steal,
But I say unto you …Work is honorable, a person’s value is not determined by the work they do but by the love and care with which they do it. To be a part of something greater than yourself, to contribute, to take pride in your contribution, was God’s design from the Garden of Eden. To work hard, to generate value for and with others, to have others recognize that value is a recipe for self-confidence and good night’s sleep. Whether it is volunteer or paid, contribute and enjoy the feeling that your life is about something bigger. Offer yourself as a gift to those around you. Get busy and give.
Ex 20:8 Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy,
But I say unto you …Stop, rest, think and celebrate God. Our worlds are so connected and our devices so jealous for our attention that without a deliberate disconnect we continue to spiral into corporate stress that no therapist can relieve. One of God’s greatest gifts to man is his ability to reflect. We exercise this gift with our time, time to think, time to meditate, time uncluttered by the things of our world. The directive was to give one out of seven days or approximately 14% of each week, which I consider a minimum for mental health. Spend time with the kids; spend time with your spouse or significant other away from the kids. Connect with someone that can be seen without a monitor or screen. Spend time alone with God, one on one. Find what makes you relaxed and happy and those around you relaxed and happy and do not let your demanding life take it from you. Turn them off and just stop.
Ex 20:12 Honor thy father and thy mother,
But I say unto you …Without exception, we stand upon the shoulders of others. Those who cleaned our diapers, those who fed and clothed us, those who were there when we needed someone, they are to be celebrated. Our memories of those others may be broken, damaged and painful. How could it be otherwise in a broken and fallen world? Given the circumstances it may be we could not have handled things better or different. Part of ‘honor’ may be offering your forgiveness. Honor may be an acknowledgment and gratitude for being there despite all of life’s imperfections. No one’s past is absent the help of others; there are no self-sufficient people, no self-made man or woman. Parents, friends, teachers and relatives, acknowledge and celebrate them as the shoulders you once stood upon, those who have helped you become who you are.
Ex 20:16 Thou shalt not bear false witness,
But I say unto you …Our words in many ways define who we are. Each and every one of them is not to be taken lightly as they will be the topic of an appointment we all have scheduled (Matt 12:36). Our words can heal, our words can kill. How we use our words speaks volumes to who and what we are on the inside. Use your words with precision and thoughtful honesty; use them as instruments in the symphony of God’s love.
Ex 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s …
But I say unto you …Love your own life and everything that is in it, both the good and the bad. To learn to love yourself, your own life and situation, to be at home in your own skin, content with who and what you are is to find great freedom. This is not to say, “no improvement necessary,” but to acknowledge that growth and improvement are always coming and going like the ocean’s tide. To accept yourself “as is,” living life on life’s terms, to recognize that the greenest grass is the grass beneath your feet now, here, today and not that which is on some ‘other side’ is a powerful and liberating realization.
Ex 20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me,
But I say unto you …One of the things I admire about the Old Testament is its honesty. When they had a false god they named it just that. Today we call our false gods by other names to help us sleep better at night. But the truth is the same: our “false gods” hold only broken promises, dashed hopes, and shattered lives. The gods of media and entertainment, the gods of politics and religion, all promise to meet our needs and give us security, yet feed us a banquet of fast food, fast talk, and indigestion. Jesus asks of us something much simpler: “Give me your heart.” All of our broken promises, broken dreams and broken hearts are the fruit of reliance on false gods. Casting down the false gods in our lives is a lifelong journey, a renewing of the mind in which we continuously ask Him to search the heart and reveal that which is not Him in us. For the Christian it is the war we win on our knees, a battle fought in surrender. The song says it best: “All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give.”
When we view the Old Testament as the left hand of God and the New Testament as His right hand it helps put both into a larger context, that being an entire balanced body. The New Testament saturates the Old Testament in the love and forgiveness of the cross of Jesus, showing us a truer revelation of God’s nature.
Jesus and Social Justice
“Please Forgive me and Change me”
It was hot, unbearably hot in the Capital Mall that afternoon. The morning chill, with its jackets and sweaters, was gone, replaced by the smells and sounds of a million men packed in so close that at times I felt I could not breathe. Shoulder to shoulder, front to back, as close to the stage as I dare, we all looked up expectantly, knowing the event would be historic.
Viewing our current civil unrest through the lens of ‘The letters In Red’ requires us to see Luke 11 in a new light. Early in Jesus’ ministry, he stood up to the powerful, pointing a finger squarely at those who felt distant from the hardships of others, the fruit that falls so naturally from the tree of past sin.
Luke 11: 45-46 One of the lawyers answered him, “Teacher, in saying this, you reproach us also?” And he said, “Woe to you lawyers also! For you load men with burdens hard to bear, and you yourselves do not touch the burdens with one of your fingers.
“Yes”! was the answer to their question, a resounding “I do reproach you also.” It was a reproach for the inaction which allows the burden to flourish. Jesus’ words cut through denial and spiritual laziness, holding them guilty of the sin of omission. Is there a better description of white privilege than “burdens hard to bear,” burdens that are not touched by those in power, sorrows not felt or acknowledged by those born into the right family, socio-economic bracket, or skin color? They may never have killed or have been slaveholders, yet Jesus holds them responsible none the less for its collective and continuous impact.
“Dear God, I am a sinner. … Please forgive me and change me.” was the call from the stage, answered in chanting unison. “Dear God, I am a sinner. … Please forgive me and change me.” Speaker after speaker preached repentance and acknowledgment of generational sin. Prayers were offered as the thunderous loudspeakers and multi-trons announced the message across a sea of Christian men from the Capitol Building as far back as the Lincoln memorial. Soon my discomfort gave way to calmness, the claustrophobia, into oneness with the crowd. I had lost my church partners to the crowd long ago, now alone, I was in communion with strangers in one of the most powerful experiences of my life. All around me, white men like myself, all wanting a deeper Christian relationship and a willingness to sacrifice our pride to get it. Something was giving birth within me, a cleansing, a kinship with each prayer.
Luke 11: 47–48 Woe to you! for you build the tombs of the prophets whom your fathers killed. So you are witnesses and consent to the deeds of your fathers; for they killed them, and you build their tombs.
We tend to feel better about ourselves if we can build something, say something, write something to find a peaceful coexistence with our past like ignoring bones in a newly white-washed tomb. Jesus and ‘The Letters In Red’ hold us to a higher standard, one that requires not just activity, but accomplishment towards undoing the sins and “deeds of your fathers.” Generational curses are a common theme in the Old Testament. Jesus calls us to see the past in our present, which can give us hope for the future. He confronts us, drawing us away from our self-interest, from our comfort and our sense of innocence, and labels us complacent in the slavery of the past, which continues to build our country’s wealth.
The first call to kneel was awkward. Shoulder bumped shoulder as my knees began to fold only to find my head bumping into the back of the man in front of me. From the rear, I could feel the head of the man behind me in my back, then my butt. My knees finally found the ground, and I lifted my head. Some around me were still standing, their shadows over me as if I was in a forest of tall trees. Then slowly, light returned like a sunrise as all the men made their way to the ground, the stage some thirdly yards away and fifteen feet above.
Luke 11:50-51 that the blood of all the prophets, shed from the foundation of the world, maybe required of this generation, from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechari’ah, who perished between the altar and the sanctuary. Yes, I tell you, it shall be required of this generation.
Jesus held responsible not just those who committed horrible acts but also those who allowed consequences and ramifications of those acts to flourish and continue in their aftermath. If Jesus spoke today, He might say, “The blood of George Floyd to the blood of Rayshard Brooks who perished at the Wendy’s drive-through will be required of this generation.” Neither may have been a prophet, but neither were worthy of needless racially charged death, racism which finds its root in slavery and now lives within our affluence. Both George and Rayshard were created in God’s image, with His likeness, bound and packaged in His love from birth.
Just as Jesus required accountability of His generation, so He requires it of ours. We will be held accountable for our sins of omission just as others will be for sins of commission, both in this world and the Kingdom that is coming. It is on us to remedy what we can both individually and corporately of the sins of our fathers.
The crowd quieted as the stage filled with separate minorities, Women, Asian, Native American, Hispanic and Black. The Preacher called out, ‘Lord we repent of our father’s treachery to your children, to Women, to the Asian, to the Native American, to the Hispanic and to the Black Man, we repent of our racism, we ask your forgiveness for the sins we have committed against our brothers and sisters, and we ask forgiveness of those we have offended and damaged, the Women, the Asian, the Native American, the Hispanic and the Black”. With bended knee and hands held high in the air, quickly came the reply from over Eight Hundred thousand strong “Lord, we repent.”
I was among those in repentance that Oct 5th, 1997. It was called “The Million Man March, Stand in the Gap, Promise Keepers.” The sincerity I felt at that moment I have not felt since, and for that, I am ashamed. It was a strong and powerful cleansing, an honesty that brings recovery, tears which clean the windows of the soul, empowering those who have lived a lifetime in poverty or looking over their shoulder, having only the smallest part of the “the American dream.”
I felt it, was a part of it, so I know we can find our way back to it again. Imagine, white Christian men, leading the church towards repentance for our omission sins, for our father’s committed sins. Imagine it; white Christian men united not by theology or denomination, not by left or right or any earthly affiliation but by the desire to please Him and bring relief to our troubled world. I do not have to imagine it, for I have seen it. I was there, I experienced it, and I feel we can find our way back there again and sustain it if we are willing to have the courage to say “Dear God, I am a sinner. … Please forgive me and change me”.